Wednesday, December 10, 2008

New global economy terms

What do you say to a merchant banker who knocks on your door?
How much do I owe you for the pizza

BULL MARKET—A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET—A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING—The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO—The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER—What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR—Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST—Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT—When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER—A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION—The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO—What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS—What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR—Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT—An archaic word no longer in use.

What’s the definition of optimism?
An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.

What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?
A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari.

What can you buy on eBay for $1.
An Icelandic bank but they’ll get you on the shipping costs.

Have a fun day.

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