Friday, May 04, 2007

Reverse Direct Marketing

Bruce over at Aardvark has a discussion on the bane of the dinner table - the telemarketing phone call (4 May 2007 The Aussies have got it all wrong - could not find the atricle link). Apparently our cobbers across the ditch have introduced some law having a Do Not Call list for telemarketers, but excluded guess who - those who wrote the law! Good one, we expect nothing less of those in the trough looking to self preserve at any time!

As a regular recipient of this extremely intrusive form of marketing, I have found an entertaining method of getting rid of the sods. Sometime ago I saw a comment (on a blog?) re the method described below and can assure you that it works very well.

It goes something like this...

cue Phone ring

Me - Good After tommorrow (phone onto speakerphone so the better half can have a laugh too)

Tele - Good evening, Sir, I am calling on behalf of XYZ..

Me - What are you selling?

Tele - No I am not selling anything - I am calling on behalf of XYZ..

Me - What are you selling?

Tele - No I am not selling anything - I am calling on behalf of XYZ..

Me - Look you have called at a very inconvenient time. Can I have your after hours home phone number so that I can call you back at some time more convenient to me.

Tele - I am calling on behalf of XYZ..

Note from Me - Sometimes I have to ask the question for their home phone number 3 or 4 times before the Telemarketer gets the drift and finally ceases spewing forth of their set-piece spiel.

Me - Now that you have stopped your sales pitch, can I have your after hours number? I will advise you that I regularly suffer from insomnia and possibly could find a time convenient to me, but maybe extremely inconvenient to you, to return your call.

Tele - Sorry sir - I cannot give you my personal phone number.

Me - You have mine - why can I not have yours?

and so on..

Other tips - Always hang up when you are talking to an undesirable, never when they are talking. They never call back as they put the disconnect down to Telecom's gear performing normally at 5x 9's!

Going mobile is useless as marketing companies probably generate batches of not so random phone numbers and on sell these to other marketers with your number on them. Hence the reason you are hammered for about two months and then it goes quiet for a while. I am sure my number is the random number seed...

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