Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Time to stand up for your rights

The Internet Bill Of Rights

We the people, in Order to form a more Perfect Social Network, establish Blogs, insure Wireless Connections, provide for the common User, promote Goatse, and secure the Blessings of Online Anonymity to ourselves and to Google, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Domains of the Internet.

The right to download

The right to download, like, SHITLOADS

The right to tell d00ds to STFU, and tell n00bs to RTFM

The right to assume no identity, or adopt a false one, yet still demand to be treated with integrity

The right to incite, inflame and insult others without fear of repercussion or social responsibility

The right to hate on idiots, and for idiots to hate on us back, like whatever

The right to take content without offering remuneration, and to argue the toss on the difference between downloads and theft as if it were some sort of existentialist conundrum or valiant political activism

The right to assume other people’s mothers are whores

The right to call every woman who isn’t a “perfect 10” a pig or a lezza who you wouldn’t sleep with, even though you’re a fat balding man in his late 40s

The right to stick captions on cats

The right to type LOL, even though nothing amusing has been written

The right to say to someone “your an idiot”, and fail to recognise the irony

The right to argue without clarity, knowledge, reason or respect, including the abstract construction of straw man arguments and ad hominem attacks

The right to call any argument you don’t fully understand an abstract construction of straw man arguments or ad hominem attack, whatever that means

The right to Photoshop and call it expression and not deception

The right to claim expert knowledge on foreign cultures just because you downloaded Google Earth

The right to be proven wrong and continue to argue the exact same point but in UPPER CAPS

The right to be a dick

The right to say “I’m not racist, but”, and then say something completely racist

The right to be offered an unsurpassed wealth of free content and services from the private sector, yet erupt with self-righteous indignation when said content and services are threatened to be taken from us

The right to be an expert on any topic, whether expertise exists or not

The right to fill the infinite void with banal musings about your cat/dog/kids

The right to take everything at face value, read only headlines, and call it “truth”

The right to Rickroll

from here.

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