Half a brain cell would be lonely...

Things we inserted into various orifices in 2014 below

Ear
Soap
Air freshener bead
Walkie-talkie antenna
Key
Jewel from toy crown
Diamond
Tip of dart
Bug
Screw
"Put tissue in his ear one month ago and feels like it is still there."
Rubber band
Tampon
Glow stick
Nipple from baby bottle

Nose
Miniature hockey puck
Toothpick
Hair braid
Ten-sided dice
Fishing sinker
Plastic eyeball
Gum
Lithium tablet
A leg
Sponge
"Used a metal coat hanger to swat a bee off of his neck and coat hanger went up nostril."

Throat
Clothes hanger
Toy arrow
Shark toy
Grill brush bristles
Plastic fork
Brillo pad
"Had a button in hand, went to sneeze, tried to cover mouth with hand and inhaled button."
Thermometer
Silver Christmas ornament
Foil from baked potato
Cookie wrapped in cellophane
Retainer

Penis
Rubber tube
Plastic spoon
Pencil
Crochet needle
"Stuck a nail in urethra then it migrated up into the bladder"
Wool yarn
Long plastic hand of stirring spoon
"Inserted a long balloon in penis to have girlfriend blow up for sexual stimulation and it broke."

Vagina
Plastic handle of scissors
Knitting needles
Pen
"A large amount of sand."
Hair tie
Bag of crystal meth
Steak knife
Razor
Sponge
"One battery and three coins"
Bathtub stopper
"Put a bag of money in vagina to hide it from husband."
Billiard ball
"Orgasm balls"

Rectum
Toothbrush holder
Pipe
Keys
Corn
Shot glass
Drum stick
Ice pick
Unsharpened pencil
Candle air freshener
Can of spray paint
Shaving cream can
Shampoo bottle
Lotion bottle
A can
"Beer bottle up rectum and bottle broke when tried to retrieve bottle with pliers."
Turkey baster
Phone cord
Golf ball
Metal toilet paper holder
Tent stakes
Rolled up stack of plastic rubbish bags
Christmas bell
Log

Unbelievable! 

Steak knife in the twat?  Now that's different.